"I Can Only Imagine"

Writing and music are my ways of dealing with the hardships of life. It has been a rough 24 hours for me and my family– which includes extended family whose only blood relation is through the blood of Jesus Christ. So, to deal with everything that is going on, I write. And as I write, I listen to music. It helps me cope. It helps me sort out my emotions. It helps me find some semblance of sense where there seems to be absolutely no sense at all.

Today, the song playing may seem odd to many. It is, "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me. For those who know what is going on in my life right now, you probably think that is a really strange song. But for me, it is perfect.
Yesterday morning I received a call from my dad. I thought something was strange,
because he asked for my husband. But I didn't think too much about it, because I was taking care of the baby.

It wasn't but just a couple of seconds and my husband was beside me. I heard him ask my dad if it was my mom. I knew by the tone of his voice that something was definitely wrong. I whirled around and immediately asked, "What? What's wrong??"
My husband gave me the phone, and I immediately asked my dad what had happened. I could hear it in his voice before he even spoke. I heard him trying to breathe. But I heard the sobs. I knew something had happened.

It was then, through a very broken voice and sobs, that my dad told me that one of my very best friends from childhood had been killed in a car accident in the late night/early morning hours.

I do not remember for a few minutes afterwards. I remember screaming. I remember dropping the phone. I remember my husband saying something to my dad. At the time I did not know what it was. Now, I know that he was telling my dad that we would call him back when I had calmed down.

The shock was overwhelming. Why is it that our mortality effects us this way? For me personally, I am a believer in Christ Jesus. I am told in God's Word that to die in Christ is gain (Philippians 1:20-22).

While many self-righteous, religious people will judge him, I know without a doubt in my heart that my friend was a believer in Christ as well. So I know he is with Christ, rejoicing right now. So why was I so devastated? We know that our hope is in Christ Jesus.

We are so devastated- we mourn- because we have loved.

I have learned in this long journey of my life that love is not an easy thing. Love is depicted in the movies as glamorous and beautiful. Everything works out in the end. But reality is not always that way.

Yes, love is beautiful. It is one of the most beautiful things in existence. But with the beauty comes a lot of pain. To truly love someone, there must be excruciating pain when we lose them.

And yes, everything does work out in the end. We know that God is in control. For those of us who know our salvation- our eternity- is in Jesus, then our tears are just a moment in time. God will wipe away all of our tears one day. But the tears are beautiful, because they mean we have loved.

So today I embrace my tears. I welcome the pain, because I know that I loved this dear friend. We grew up together- me, my brother, him and his two sisters. We were all more like a big family rather than the best of friends. And though life, growing up, and time has kept us from seeing each other as often, it does not make us love each other any less. They will always be my family- blood or not.

Today, my song is to him and his memory. But more importantly, it is dedicated to his life. Because right now, I can only imagine what he is doing! Is he dancing before my Jesus right now? Is he before Him, praising and worshipping Him in awe? Is he singing before the throne of Jesus?

So this track is to you, Jeff- I Can Only Imagine what you are doing right now! And part of me is very envious of you.
~*~

...the name of Jesus every knee should bow, i heaven and on earth and under the earth, nd every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:10-11